The Story of My Spiritual Life: Douglas Selph
12/03/02
Page 4
Moving on to Chicago
When things started
getting serious, I realized this would result in me moving from Sojourners to
Chicago. The thought of leaving Sojourners was hard for me. Nevertheless, Tim,
my good brother from Sojourners, said that they would be fine without me and
told me to "go for it", and thus I felt free to pursue the relationship.
Now Lisa fit well
with me in many ways. She understood about community living being apart Reba
Place Fellowship and Living Water Community Church. Being separated from
Sojourners gave me an opportunity to assess what I had "gained" in my
understanding of the gospel independent of that particular living situation. I
saw that having an intentional form of community was nice, but it was still
possible to live in such a way to be separated from each other. In another
words, the goal was really loving and laying your lives down for each other,
which could happen, and did happen, with a variety of other forms. The
interesting thing about Reba and Living Water is they had living examples of
some folk who lived intentionally nearby or with each other, but they also have
meaningful relationships with other members that were unable to do so. That
felt attractive to me, because, at Sojourners, if somebody wanted to be part of
our Church, but wasn't ready to move onto the properties, they wouldn't really
be apart of us. But Reba and Living Water seemed to have a model, which perhaps
had the best of both worlds...maybe.
In addition, living
with Lisa, Bethany and Hannah would provide an even more intimate and
delightful experience of God as experienced through others. Moreover, the
"training" from living in community at Sojourners would be directly applicable
in maintaining a joyful marriage.
So now, I am going to
become a full member of Living Water Community Church. Strengths of this body
that are of
particular importance
to me, are...
A value placed on
living near each other, resulting in a neighborhood "core" where many of
the members live.
A real spirituality and focus
on Jesus expressed during worship.
Open sharing during worship.
The commitment and emphasis
on cell groups.
Many demonstrations of
servanthood among the members.
Lots of activities and things
going on, so much so that you have to miss some - a sign of a lot of joy
and passion and health in a congregation.
I see examples of some of the
"little ones" of the congregation are finding the care they need.
One sign of a healthy
body, in my book, is if the attendees on the "fringes" are being loved. In some
sense that is a bottom line. If we are able to love those on the fringes well,
it means we are loving each other well and are ready for true growth. In truth,
we all at times feel like we are on the "fringes". So it's really just another
way of saying to be sensitive to the love each of us need.
Part of the reason I
say this is in response to the desire expressed in a church business meeting
for a greater emphasis on evangelism. This is a good thing. But there's more.
By loving those on the fringes of our congregation, which in truth is extending
love to each one of us, we are loving the neighborhood. I mean what is it going
to look like when this abstract neighborhood starts getting interested in us?
Won't it look like people on the fringes of our congregation that show up
tentatively on Sunday morning and other times? By loving those God has already
brought into our midst, we are demonstrating to God our ability and willingness
to experience His greater blessings.
Final thoughts
If there is one key
thing I feel God has worked in me over the years, that really makes me
different now rather in the past, I would say it is the depth of realized
gratitude in my everyday experience.
I remember when I
first met Lisa, during a visit to Chicago with Dale Gish for a friend's
wedding. Dale told me about her husband leaving, and I joined their family for
a meal to talk about our common experience with diabetes. I can remember
thinking at the time, "How in the world could anyone get to the point where
they would be unhappy enough that they would need to leave a beautiful wife,
two marvelous kids, and this really spacious apartment (compared to what I was
living in for years in San Francisco)?"
Now I knew the
answer, based on my own ability to transform heaven into hell by my own
complaining. Why had I been unhappy all those years when I was not married?
What was God trying to show me in that?
Life for most of us
is actually very, very good almost all of the time - so much so it becomes
common place and we take it for granted. Then we start noticing things we don't
have, or things we would like to be different, (usually things out of our
control) and we start, maybe silently at first, but later out right
complaining. For me, the big thing was I was not being married. Now this can be
painful at times, but deep down, it became the thing that was wrong with the
Universe. I may have realized or said it differently. But when all the people
went away and I was alone with myself and God, I would indicate as much to Him.
Okay, God, what are you going to do about it? How are you going to change my
life so I can finally be happy, and everything can be right for a change?
The problem is that
even if God actually does change my situation I still may or may not decide to
be happy. Most likely, I will decide it's time to be happy and then secretly
say to God, well, it's about time. Then, because I really haven't learned deep
gratitude, give me a few years, and I will then take this state of affairs as
normal and find something else which isn't quite right. My complaining will get
a bit louder and louder, and I find myself caught in the my own personal drama
of this war between God and myself, trying to get Him to give me the things I
need to be happy. The only way out of this cycle is to get on our knees, and
learn a deep gratitude by a direct encounter with God in the so-called "misery"
we are in at the moment.
I already mentioned
living with Chuck, in a very sloppy apartment stinking of bachelorhood,
sleeping in a little room with the noise of six lanes of traffic constantly
blaring outside my window. Yet, in the midst of that God taught me to be deeply
grateful and genuinely appreciative. I got to watch and re-enjoy with Chuck all
the Star Trek movies he never saw. We got to go out and eat open-faced turkey
sandwiches with mashed potatoes topped with lots of gravy at St. Frances Ice
Cream Parlor down the street. Life was actually darn good.
If you look at most
of our lives in any given moment, we are doing pretty well. Unless we have a
spear sticking from our gut, we really have a lot to be grateful about. At a
core level of our human spirits, God created us to be naturally joyful and
happy. Look at children. They are frequently free and happy. What's wrong with
them anyway? Jesus said that these things I have spoken to you, that My joy may
be in you, and that your joy may be full. Jesus wants me to fully realize that
joy. If we can realize that when life appears to be much less than we might
imagine, then we will have gotten it. We don't necessarily have it when life is
going our way.
And if you managed to
read this far, with droopy eyes, and nodding head, then not only have I
survived my spiritual journey thus far, but you have too. Hey, I was told full
membership required a spiritual life history, so I took it seriously and
spilled my guts. And now that I've shared my blither, I really do feel a lot
better. Thank you Jesus!
